so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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