your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
