you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
