wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
