Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
