Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
