Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize