I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
