A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
