Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
