we're chasing vodka with high fives
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
