I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
