I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
