I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
