If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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