Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
