I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
