Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
