i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
