please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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