HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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