When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
