i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't deserve a penis
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize