I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
