Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
