I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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