It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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