nut hugger
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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