question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
