Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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