Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
