meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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