I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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