margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize