Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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