He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
