i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
