Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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