I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
