everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
