So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
