My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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