**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just pee around me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize