Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize