# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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