oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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