so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
