You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
