"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
