I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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