Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this will be a night to untag.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
