I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You peed on a flamingo?!?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
