i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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