bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
