Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's shark week go big or go home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
