It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
