He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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