This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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