And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
