I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
