At least make sure they are 18
Why
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
