This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The adults are the big ones right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
