he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
