Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
