I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
