Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
