I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
