You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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