i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have feelings that need drinking.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
