Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
